Teen Portfolio Class

Expectation vs. Reality: the Difference Between What You Imagine and What Actually Happens

Do you sometimes feel like you're living, at least partly, in another reality? Wow that sounds like the start to a conspiracy theory. But this isn't a conspiracy, I promise.

I just notice from time to time that the reason people become dissatisfied, even angry, with their situations has to do with their hopes and expectations-- their imaginations, I suppose.

Say a girl gets asked out on a date. She thinks the guy is kind of cute and he had already proposed an activity that sounded fun. She gets ready, scenarios running through her mind.

The boy might be a jerk. He might not be interested in a real relationship. He might be boring. He might be gross. But what if he's really sweet? It could turn out that he shares a lot of her interests. Maybe he has impressive talents. Maybe he'll like her a lot. Maybe he'll kiss her...

The girl isn't necessarily expecting him to be her soulmate, but she imagined the possibility. So if the guy turns out to be boring, self-obsessed, stingy, and otherwise disappointingly far from the dream date she had entertained, she gets upset.

Why? Nobody had told her he would be amazing. Nobody tricked her.

She had even wondered if he'd be a bad guy. She pictured it both ways. So why is she angry that this scenario turned out to be true?

To be honest, we all want things to go wonderfully. We can all conjure up pictures of meeting our soulmate romantically, getting hired on the spot after impressing the interviewer, acting a test we barely studied for, winning the lottery. It's because we can imagine this that we are afraid of the alternative.

If we had no concept of being fortunate and happy, we would never be upset when things don't go "my way." We imagine and hope for things we should never reasonably expect.

That took a dark turn, didn't it?

Bear with me.

Imagining and hoping are not the issue. The problem is expecting what we imagine to happen. We think of these scenarios as the standard and view the less appealing reality as bad luck.

Don't do that! Wishing is wonderful. Hoping can make us happier. Imagining is important. However, do not allow that to interfere with your appreciation of reality.

Maybe you don't have a million dollars, but you might have a few bucks to go get ice cream with a friend. Maybe you didn't go to that concert, but you can sit outside and listen to a good album at your own pace. Maybe you didn't get as many "likes" as you wanted, but at least you have that photograph to remember a treasured moment.

Wish away, friends. That's good. But if things don't go "your way," please take a moment to consider what you might be missing by getting caught up in the distance between your expectation and reality.

Tell me what small thing you appreciated recently, when you could have been disappointed. I'd love to hear about it!